Vice Ganda’s unkabogable heart behind the punchlines
Welcome to another conversation of the clock. Hi, I’m Carmina Constantino Tores and this is Casey Afters. That was the moment na we were we were uh left by the director. There will be some relationships that you will have to let go and there will be feelings that will have to be offended.
M I was forced to becoming a comedian kasi huwag kang sumasama diyan. Ginagamit ka lang iyan. Everyone wants you to succeed but not more than their success. Eh yung pumatay nga sa tatay ko sa harapan namin. Pinatawad ko yung dasal niya puro tungkol sa’yo na her entry into the limelight was anything but quiet.
Binitawan ang unang joke. Pagkatapos nagakhak ng madlang people. And the punch lines, they make you laugh. Then they make you think. Sometimes they’re uncomfortable, often brilliant, but always always coming from a place of honesty. Walang duda. She has become the phenomenon who has painted the path she walks on with a full spectrum of who she is.
But what’s beyond her technic colored layers? The uncabogable vice ganda. answers. Vice ganda finally here in the podcast. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you. Thank you din. Thank you for trusting. Kasi you know I we met the first time we met do sa Star Magic Boy. Yeah. Um I remember I just really parang pina anong tawag doon? Parang pina pina I I just garnered enough courage to approach you.
May kasama pa nga ako eh. si Kit nagpa-introduce ako sayo and and then you said yes I never thought that you would that it was this would actually happen but thanks for making it happen. Serious ako non kahit lasing ka non. Hindi totoo po yun. Maligalig po si Carmina that time nung ano ABSCBN ball. In-enjoy talaga nila yung moment na yon na fun fan fun fan fan sila n mga taga.
Hindi kasi minsan lang naman ba we’re all serious all the time and it was Atsaka may ano tayo non may permiso tayong lahat magano-ano mag-enjoy kasi sadlak na tayo sa trabaho no I remember I remember thanking you thanks for our salary. I mean it ha because no because um you really work so hard hindi mo lang dala ang Showtime pero dala mo ang buong ABS-CBN. Wow. Wow. Thank you. Totoo.
Dama mo. Dama mo yung Hindi. Hindiung Showtime lang. ‘yung showtime lang pero ung dala ko naman ‘yung ABS parang nakikit kung dala ko ‘yun mas nakikita ko ‘yung ano mas nakikita ko ‘yung ‘yung pagdadala nung nung mga boses natin kasi every now and then I I get to see the bosses Sir Carlos, Sir Mark and of course Tita Cory most of the time.
So nakikita ko talaga kung paano nila binibitbit lahat ng pinagdadaanan nitong kumpanyang ito. So kung kung ah kung meron din akong mga extra efforts na ginagawa, parang incomparable yung mga ginagawa nilang lahat eh. And that’s what we don’t see or what the rest. Ako syempre alam ko because you know word gets around but what people don’t really understand is that you’re the force behind the show.
Um and the pandemic sort of parang nagsilbing meet siya. M yeah tell us about what happened behind the scenes during the pandemic because the pandemic did a number on you guys on that show. Ah nung pandemic talaga syempre it was a surprise to everyone ba no one saw it coming. Ba no one saw it coming. No one no one was ever prepared nung panahon na iyon ‘ ba. So ah it was a shock.
Akala namin nung when we when we were asked to say goodbye uma namin ano lang siya yung ano yung sandali lang ilang days lang isang weeks lang kasi same day nung sinabi sa amin um hindi muna tayo e-ere bukas or for ano kasi parang maglo-lockdown ganyan ganyan ganyan. So nag-goodbye kami tos may bagong segment pa kami non na ni-launch ganon so goodbye.
Tapos wala namang nakakaalam na nalalampas pala siya ng isang buwan. kalahating taon, isang taon, dalawang taon parang And then we lost of course our franchise. Yeah, we lost. Yun pa kaya double wam ‘ ba. Meron ka ng pandemic, meron ka pang ano hinarap na pagkawala ng franchise. So it was a very stressful um moment for everyone sa ABS-CBN.
Syempre lahat naman stressful pero iba yung stress ng mga kapamilya nung panahon na yun ‘ ba. Parang yung may sakit na yung na may may danger dahil sa may sakit na nagkalat tapos nasusunog bahay mo. Yeah. Tapos hindi mo alam kung kanino ka hihingi ng tulong kasi parang walang gustong tumulong sao. And you felt like you felt like yung dapat magbigay sayo ng proteksyon nung panahon na iyon yun yung nagtanggal sao ng ano ng kasiguruhan.
And then you have to show a brave face every single day. Not just a brave face but a funny face. Yes. Yeah. Pero nung panahon naon, um, that was also changing for you because hindi ka na lang basta naging talent. Mm. M you took on ano ba ano ba ang position mo ngayon? You’re now the creative director. Do you have a title to it? I am the most intrida in the family.
Hindi yung parang sa parang ako na yung yung ano yung parang yung creative head yung mga almost everything sa production. You could have said no. You know, you could have just remained to be a talent. Yeah. And also at that time that was the moment na we were le we were left by the director. The director also left and uh created his own show. Oo.
Sa isang sa sa other networks. So talagang basang sisiw talaga kami non. And I I needed to step up. You needed to step up. I needed to step up. Mm. Kasi nga that was my question. Parang you could have said no. Maghihintay na lang ako na kung sino man ang mamumuno sa atin sa susunod ba. But you took it upon yourself.
Why the need to step off? Um the the trust from the from the from the bosses from the management um parang I can’t let go of that trust and I couldn’t fail them. But most of all I couldn’t fail myself. I will never allow I will never allow that family or that program to just vanish or to just lose.
I will never allow Showtime to lose. I will fight for it just like fighting for my life because Showtime is my life now. I’m so obsessed to it. It’s my kaya ang sabi ko it’s it’s this is fighting for my life because this is my life. So I will not allow my life to be just wasted. Yung parang naglaho na lang siya tapos what happened? Anong na what happened? Oo ‘ ba? What happened Vella? ‘Di ba ise-save ko siya lahat ng kaya kong gawin ise-save ko siya.
Ise-save ko yung mga kasama ko sa bahay na yon. Ano ba ang nadulot sao ng Showtime? A lot. It’s hindi siya Hindi ko siya ma-describe. Hindi ko siya ma-valuate. Hindi ko siya yun hindi ko siya masusukat. It’s hindi ko siya ma-define kasi binago niya talaga yung buhay ko 360 yung yung estado ng pamumuhay ko, estado ng pamumuhay ng buong pamilya ko, yung pananaw ko bilang isang tao, yung tingin ko sa sarili ko, yung tingin ng lipunan sa akin, binago niya at ah kaakibat nung pagbabago ng tingin ng lipunan sa akin, yung may naidulot din siyang magandang
pagbabago sa pagtingin ng lipunan sa mga tulad ko. Take us back to that first instance. when you went on stage as a young standup comedian or even when you were performing in university na ito yung gugusto ito yung magiging takbo ng buhay mo na this is what I want this is the you know I’m after the film and I’m after the material wealth and all that naisip mo ba na ito iyun I was always after material wealth I have always been after material wealth especially sa coming from the slum coming from yung Uh ah mahirap na lugar sa ano sa
Maynila. Bata pa lang ako malinaw na sa utak ko na kailangan kong yumaman, kailangan kong magkapera, kailangan kong baguhin ang estado ng pamumuhay ko. Kailangan kong pagandahin at pabonggahin talaga yung aking kinabukasan dahil alam ko na dahil masaya ako doun sa lugar namin. It was a fun place. Pero hindi yun ang gusto ko.
Ayoko nung um mababait naman yung mga kapitbahay ko pero hindi ko gustong doun ako matapos. ‘Di ba? Gusto kong mas lumaki yung mundo ko. Masaya dito pero gusto ko mas mas malaki ung mundo ko. Mas marami akong makita. Mas marami akong ranasan, mas marami akong maging kakayahan. At hindi mangyayari ‘yun kung wala akong kakayahan sa pananalapi.
So bata pa lang ako. Alam kong kailangan kong magtrabaho. Kailangan kong yumaman. So kailangan ko talaga ng pera. Pero hindi ko naisip na ako ay mapupunta sa sa show business. Magiging ah komedyante, magiging host, magiging magiging artista. Hindi ko talaga nakita yun dahil unang-una hindi naman ako nagagandahan sa sarili ko.
Sa grupo namin ng mga bakla ako yung pinaka kaya kabayong-kabayo talaga ako dati. Mm. Kung nachakakan kayo sa akin ngayon, mas malala yung dati. Oo. Canal levels ganon. So tapos I was not the funniest in the group. No way. Merong super funny akong mga friends. Pero ako yung pinaka observant. Ako yung madaling mag-adopt.
Ako yung pinaka-observant. Tapos ako yung quick to the draw. Alam mo yung may pulso ka. Yeah. Nakikita mo parang pag agag may pinaglagyan ka sa akin, parang kaya kong madaling mai-adapt yun at maal tapos made-deliver ko siya. Parang kung hindi naman ako host ‘ ba, ginawa nila akong host. O sige aralin ko yun. T’s de-deliver ko yung pagiging host.
And when I was subjected to ano, I was forced to becoming a comedian kasi eh. when I yeah when I entered the when I entered the Hindi kasi siya comedy uh comedy club or comedy bar that sing along bars lang ang tawag sa kanya so when I when I entered the sing along bar scene I first was a singer. Yes, I was a singer and then I lost my voice.
So sa sa comedy bars kasi dun sa singalong bars kasi either you’re a singer or you’re a comedian para yun ang ginagawa nila. kumakanta sila tapos nagpapatawa sila. So either or both. So singer lang ako nung panahon na yon. So hindi ako nagpapatawa. So when I lost my voice, I I was so scared of losing my job.
Sabi ko, “Matatanggal ako dito.” So wala na akong magiging trabaho. Eh ine-enjoy ko he is good because the money is good. There is a tip. There is a tip. So really hoping we are in tips. So I observe they really did when I said no no more i can sing So I will be removed from here. I have to laugh. When I had to laugh to keep the job.
So I studied, I studied if what are they doing and not doing? doing. So they were just shocked. It’s gay it’s funny. What’s the gay who poops? already. He’s gay now he’s getting on the boat. Yes. Until they couldn’t stop the crater but there is a point there that it’s okay you’re just doing it him because you don’t want to be deleted by work but there is a point that tek I’m good and this.
When did you realize? I didn’t know was good at it but I knew I could do it. I knew I could learn. I knew I could learn to do it and I knew I would be able to deliver. Hmm. When did you realize that, okay, you were delivering and then people were liking what they saw when people were lining up to get into the comedy bar to watch Me, it was the owner’s turn the person outside has already ventured out.
The queue he said he was already a snake. Like the one from punch line is already reaching McDonald’s is the long one. Then around 7: p.m. the queue is already long. Done the one from of course the signage at the marque are the ones with names down at the end? I used to be at the bottom. He’s slowly getting up and I’m up the prime time performer.
Earlier I’ll just go back to what you said earlier you grew up in the slums. You knew earlier on that you wanted to get out of that out of that place. But that’s different I deserve something is also different better. That’s different. Yes. when you I know that I deserve something better? I like them but I deserve something better.
Um the one I liked something better of course when you started just not because you have a comparison of you like it and you don’t like it, right? That I deserved something better. Realized I already developed that in me when I started working hard. ‘Isn’t it especially? You’re tired and you realize what what you deserve because you have exerted yourself eh. You have released something.
You did something already. If you’re not doing anything, the it’s hard to impose a deserve. If not you gave it, you did nothing. But when I started um working so hard and when I started um um when I started like um exerting so much effort to be able to deliver what is asked of me, that’s it That’s why I’m not tired. I deserve to eat better food? tired I’m tired.
That hurts my throat ‘ Do I deserve to sleep? in a room with air conditioning Is it because I’m tired? So um, I’m making a lot of people happy. I I deserve to be happy myself. How do you think of trust? Do you give do you trust people easily? No. Why? I do come from a community that he is like a dog it dog. You know That’s the concept gan’n that uh survival of the fittest.
That slurp you, slurp you, you slow down, you slow down, they will eat you. And everyone, I saw everyone wanting to survive then I’m still gay. ‘Isn’t it? That’s the trust is difficult to give me. That belief in me is hard to give. I needed to fight for it. I needed to defend it. I needed to show something and prove that I deserved it. Hmm.
That that’s the hard part. Neither am I immediately trusted. Yes. That’s it. So I’m also not quick to trust because I also know the people I doubt it. Hmm. I know too but many people belittle me that. I also know that person so this is just a china-challenge for me. And this person is just being tested it’s me and it’s waiting for me to fall especially in the beginning, many people you start, everyone was like rooting for you eme and when you are starting to champion, everyone was like uploading you ememe.
Everyone wants you to succeed but not more than their success. So I don’t trust anyone. But when I trust you, I fully, absolutely and genuinely sincerely trust you. The inner circle of Vice Ganda. Is it countable? is that in the hand? Who is that? do you trust Yeah, it counts. I can count them but I don’t also limits those of my world.
The small one because it’s the only one i trust Actually, my friends, they always remind me not to I agree with that. You are just being used that. It’s okay to accompany those that group because that’s how you are freed just. You’re just freeing it up. Hang on accompanying you because that’s what you’re famous for I know I tell them I know.
So why do you allow yourself? Because I will learn from them as well. I know it won’t last long though I enjoy them. Yes. But can you be h? Yes. But I’m not me it will hurt because I’m already awake. I know in time it will leave me. So I don’t have anything too expected. I enjoy it it’s really just the moment.
I know know I just use it for me. But he makes me happy. Because many times I just needed a good laugh too. Hmm. Talk to us about those times because you know the energy that you give to all of us is just so much. We are sad. You made us happy but what if you are sad? In-embrace I have him. I will be sad. Oh that’s it? Are you indulging in sadness? Dinad I have him. I don’t want to cheat on him.
I am like that eh. Even anger, irritation, sadness, crying. I’ll give it to you, so maybe it’s also there what is the level of? I have an affinity with my audience they found my our relationship is very sincere. They know when a gay man has something brought and that I feel appreciated it’s theirs.
knowing that gay people have brought but he’s still trying very hard ah to make us laugh to crack a joke. Hmm is that the case, but me too learned how to compartmentalize. The it’s hard, isn’t it? Yes. He is difficult. how did you do? But I feel like I’ve mastered it also the compartmentalization if there is I have problems at home.
when i arrive actually in the studio and then the studio He is like what I am, he is my safe space and then it’s like a playground for me. I can really forget the problem I. Just don’t do commercial breaks. That’s where you live. Hmm. Those even those the audience is the audience of people in the studio when I do a Que gap, I’ll be upset and cry in front of them.
And you’re not afraid to show your real emotions. Why? Nothing. I feel like I’ve never been I was really ashamed to show my true self feelings I don’t think he is I use my weakness. The weakness I’m like and then I really don’t want it suppressing my feelings. As you said, there’s now a relationship between you and your audience. Yes.
Not all no one can say that, right? are the other artists, correct me if I’m wrong because I’m not in the industry but the art will be a movie done. Hmm. Because you are everyday. Yes. So there really is a family member they have me because they get to see me everyday. They get they get to hear me voice everyday.
And then it came along they are on the journey of my life. That I gradually progressed to become they are part they saw the change to me, my appearance changes. Nothing I was also hidden because we ourselves This is what I used to look like season 1 this is what I used to look like. They saw my evolution then they feel like they are part of it.
Because it is They are really part of the change in my life they are part because otherwise they supported me, they didn’t Will I be paid? It’s not me will be given projects. But there is there are also others who say that it is too much she is beautiful It seems like there is too much notion that when you are a comedian, you’re kidding, you only have one mold it should be that you’re not allowed to improve yourself.
Yes, that was before I broke that norm. There was a study There was a study in in Ateneum is the title of It’s like Vice Ganda is the Guccified Mass. I love it. It’s like why am I the one that I have changed. It has changed my appearance I’ve changed my mind but why didn’t they let me go then mass? It’s because the clothes seem to have changed I, I changed my appearance but not really My spelling has changed, that my sensibilities I still carry the my stories from that place where I come from He doesn’t change.
Even the ones I’m acting. That’s why I will always say that she has a burkin but she cannot buy class. That like that, but class is subjective, isn’t it? You don’t have to be good hold cutlery to say class It’s like I said no, it’s not because i act I can talk depending What are you talking about? I know a lot about what you want let’s talk about it but I’ll come back to canal I’m still in love with him.
My appearance is changing, that hair ko, that’s my clothes but it’s not my personality is changing. T’s there was another layer that you’ve now become aspirational because they still resonate with you as for all the things that you said. But because it was possible you, because you can do us too. Yes. We can too. Yes.
And I felt it what I feel because I feel it because that always happened to them It’s mine. Mm I’m not like this Are there many people like me? each barangay can only be given chance will happen to them too? each his own what each his own to strike just a tail. Speaking of that I mean you have every reason to hate the world you have every story to tell you just ‘ did you work harder than the rest of the people in the room.
You you had every right but you didn’t. And this is what I always hear about you in ABS when I walk the halls and you know we talk about of course we are talking about you What are we around? The always just saying he’s nice. why you didn’t get to be angry with the world given all that you went through? It’s over now that you are there is the first thing to say of people. He is smart.
Because my mother didn’t instill it in me I hate it. Nope. I don’t like the concept of hate because that’s um my mother is religious. So I grew up in the chapel and then My mother prayed the rosary until now when they go to church they wear a veil like that. So we are going through a lot not good, not fun, it sucks but we can be angry, be angry.
You can be angry, you can sulk, you can be bored. But the hate, the hate, the hatred, those who are not him are not welcome to our hearts The one who hates, hates, that’s it. the hate. We really don’t want to that’s it. That’s why I said, “Ah, who else I hate you? What else can they do? to me to hate them?” That’s it killed my father in front we, I forgive.
My father rejected me. He removed the pad from me, removed it The family owned the house we. My mother dropped it. Depressed my mother They laughed. and our family split up because I lost my father. But I got it forgive them. Why? How? How? I don’t want to when it feels like it I don’t want the feeling of being hated because I don’t want to feel bad ‘ ba.
It’s like I got mad at them for a time. But if I always think about that I hate you, how am I? work? How do I do those? my plan? I have plans because no I have to get it. ‘Isn’t it? I have plans. I have goals. ‘Isn’t it? That’s why I’m the one my mother carries every time he went outside and entered the city hall for processing requirements for my father’s case I didn’t see that justice So I told my mother, “Mom, let’s go.
We won’t justice will be obtained. We don’t they will go to jail because we have no money. And if forever we chase, we will die Because we are not anymore will work, we will not eat. I can’t go to school anymore because I’m accompanying you to the city hall.” And how old were you then? 13. On my 13th birthday, my father was upset.
Because you are my mother too. You just work in America and we study Let’s go on with our lives, shall we? that’s why I’m the same. If I’m everyday why are you angry? I won’t forgive you and that’s it just the issue in my life. The one I hate you m so how is life? I lost the life, I own my life.
I own my life. I will dictate what I want feel I haven’t, I haven’t I will let my hate dictate to me me what will happen in my life. That’s why it’s very hard for me to hate people. I get mad at people. I don’t favor people. I’m irritated but until that’s all there is. But I never seem to carry and give to the mouth. Not anymore.
I can’t but I am not nice all the time. Most of the time so said I said, “I may not be the night nicest but I know for myself I am never unkind. I am not nice but I am fair Mmm? I The energy that you are giving me is the same energy that I will give back to you.” Hmm? That’s it my attitude. Is it me? My attitude depends on the people in front of me. Hmm.
because I know I have that capacity i will be angry Well, I have one too method of how I rub. Because that’s what Sir Deo taught me that or your staff is not possible you can’t see You must have one level of you have that authority i maintain ‘ ba. There must be authority with command. Yes. Oh, and there is opportunities that are in order to in order to be able to achieve a goal, there will be some relationships that you will have to let go and there will be feelings that will have to be offended. Hmm.
in order to reach a goal? said the brilliant people that’s why they are the man in the goal because they accepted it it’s true that they have people there are people they can really hurt Is it for that goal just for just? for as long as your goal is good and your goal is good, it will all be worth it. But when you get sick or visit, you have to recover because it’s not that’s your intention.
Your intention doesn’t hurt at all. So if someone got hurt, you have to make up for it. I will have to make sure I get it also I get sorry and they understand where it’s coming from that. Has your philosophy changed in money as you were um going after success after success after success? Like it’s not like that because ever since it’s just very simple what of My financial life seems to never live beyond your means.
What if I have Php10? the one that says yes if you have Php10 you just spent Php30 then Php30. I’m the same way, I know How much do I earn? So I still know that I know that too I will spend I will not agree to be without I can save from my salary everyday. Apparently I’ll have something to spend on the weekend.
Yes. It’s already computed in my brain. I can get it back. Or so I’ll call it my handler. I will spend here. Find me a rocket. It is necessary it will come back. That’s it. Hmm. Besides, no I lost my fear to become poor again. I’m too much fear of suffering again until now. When they say it’s not you will suffer. We don’t know.
Yes. Pandemic did not come to us do you know how long he will be? Nope. Then what if there is I have a problem with my health We don’t know the movement of the economy. Isn’t that the value of money today, will the value be the same next? year? Your 10 million now is not That’s 10 billion next year, right? right? And you will be spoiled by fate, no you know how much money you will bring it out in that challenge to get you through.
So my fear is down so I always work hard, I always save. I always make sure I make money. It’s very when you make a stand, you make a stand. You make it known. In fact, the comedy You guys are still putting money in it in town once in a while, right? When I decided to go into politics but later with Drew, um what really what was your fear at that time? And were you thankful that he didn’t push through with it? Yes, I was thankful that he didn’t pursue but I did not convince him not to pursue it.
I also did not convince him to do it file for a candidacy because that’s our dynamics. that I will not interfere with ayon and ah I will not comply with the wishes neither to my liking. What is needed is your life is aligned with what I want to be happy and if what a favor to me I don’t like that si According to Vice’s wife, Vice’s partner.
It’s not that. Ayon is Ayon. Yes. May he has his own life. And he is new leader of SKs in Tarlac who is unknown of that crowd that he is a leader and he is really active in public service. He was just a kid in Tarlac. Even before you met each other. Yes. Even before I meet him And that’s what people are talking about He’s from Tarlac, what is he like? youth leader.
He was then convinced to run by councilor. Yes. Then many people talk to him. You run for councilor even if you don’t he still runs every week because he goes home that of Tarlak t’s he has them makes them completely his own said that I was even cheating on him if that’s how you know how to counsel At least you have a position they say you will always be there there is performance there.
It’s his own That’s money that people don’t know about man So he is active in public service not in politics. He has his own public service being done. Not big haha At least in the barangay in the district them. T’s when he was convinced and talked to he said he was the mayor like that like that that’s what he said they will run me.
I said you what’s your trip I might run. Okay you are nervous So I’m nervous. But I won’t tell him don’t run He tells stories. Telling stories he. Then I give him a opinions that I do not claim to be the it means don’t run. He suddenly said he didn’t want to run. I said, “Why? Even my smile I’m really holding back.
” I said, “Why You’re like that inside.” Yes. Said he said, “T’s um I like it. I want to do something, I want I can do what I used to do. I want to help the districts I. Hmm. But if I do that, I will just take care of it. Hmm. And then prepare I just I can’t take it yet this one. He said so. It’s T’s I said, “Thank you Lord.
” ‘Isn’t it because I am so proud of him he himself ‘ right? He himself. I said, “Great.” My husband is in the right frame of mind. His heart is in the right position. Did you ever think about it after? all the ugliness that you went through, you were hidden by some, you are not proud, others used you, didn’t they? now, you can totally say, “I’ have a husband and he loves me and I love him.
” Yes. Changed, completely even that beliefs of the spouses, those marriage marriage used to be asked I am about same sex marriage, the I say to each his own. Hmm. If they want ed let them. Life Is that theirs? Is there anything to lose? me when they get married? M if If I am a Christian, it will be reduced is my christianity if any my neighbor got married? ‘Isn’t it? It’s not like that.
That’s their life what? But I don’t see that my own getting married, getting married, there will be a man with him house that he will be my partner. He didn’t believe me either I will have a serious relationship and a man will take me seriously. Yes. Maybe it was a way of protecting yourself then. And I was made to believe that. Yes.
Because what is he like that? it wasn’t possible. It was a visual cycles. That’s all. So I thought it was him. Hmm. That’s why my friends that no one will take seriously to you in the Philippines. If you have fun together man aam because they don’t know you. That that. That’s why I’m also looking for it I have met a few times. Hmm. Eh Sometimes they are still the same cheater Yes yes.
But that’s it I said but it happened. It happened. It just happened didn’t it? God gave him to me instantly unexpectedly. But people were doubting him in the beginning. They were so protective of you. Hmm. Even he is even me in the beginning even he will doubt it he was also confused. Confused too he.
What happened like that? He also doubted his feelings. Is it true? Why? Why is that? Yes. Yes. He was very kind to me. He Sheated me so well He was very nice to me. Um heh heh has always uh he he takes care of me but that one day I love so much he. how is it? What are we? that one? So it’s messy too? But this it happened And we just embraced it and it continued.
Did you doubt it in the beginning as? well maybe this is it again huh? Foolish already. I doubted myself that he was cheating me I doubted myself. He said so fooled He first fell in love with me than I fell in love with him. Oh because you have been through a lot I’ve been through a lot. So t’s even if they say what’s that 3 months let’s give it 3 months that. Yes.
T’s is already looking at si queer. What’s that entertaining, amused and happy because he was kind to her then it will be gone. Not going straight so I said no. What is it? One of the many. But what people fail to think is that this is a real relationship. Yes. But where do you see I um in the middle of the many, many dreams that you still have have? Because you still have many dreams your life, your career. Hmm.
What is Ayon’s space don? I see him just doing his thing while supporting me, while praying for me and taking care of me and wishing me well. He’s just gann. Nope he interfered with me but he will pray for me. It’s like there was one time I don’t know if I can share but it’s only superficial. We are doing therapy us.
We regularly see a psychiatrist. Hmm. Is it because there are so many? We went through a lot of trials. Yes. Together issues. What a decision that to seek counsel? It was my suggestion but he was not open to it. Hmm. And then he said one night he said I want a game do it. There are so many of us went through that was really shocking mentally health of both of us.
There are so many of us tests that have been passed. Imagine You are the one who suspended our program because of what we did. Hmm. that for us until now we have nothing seeing what we have done is wrong as if we looked like criminals then we had something ah criminal case because of that. So what went wrong in love? Let’s see what’s wrong with So many then of course the effect of the pandemic is not the franchise will quickly disappear that’s why we fell.
Of course new too he’s on showbase he’s not used to it anymore the one who scrapes his life down he. So his life changed a lot. So we needed. So we do therapy. Then the therapist told me. He said, “It’s a lot of love According.” I said, “Why?” “I asked him to write a prayer.” His prayer is all about you already I hope you can handle everything you’ve been through it I hope he doesn’t affect you negatively that’s because he feels like it’s falling apart the showtime and the career is falling apart I because of him to him as if if we are not married, no
we will eat cake if not let’s eat cake, no we will be suspended m so putting the blame on himself yeah the guilt is the most He is guilty of all his prayers about what mm I hope you don’t get sick I hope you don’t change her mm don’t get lost. There is no single case he has no prayer about himself just about you so the love for his mother is so intense and even the people closest to us they can clearly see that the people who really know us know that it’s terrible Ayon’s love for you is super deserved this love now i super deserve this
person now i super deserve now because i have given i have been giving So much love to people, to men. I have given so much love to man. I have sincerely given myself to a lot of people. It’s also nice to receive. What is yours message to the community given that we celebrate pride month as well um about yes accepting themselves for who they are being authentic but does it stop there? I just want them to live their truth.
I just want them to just live and exist. What a pride month, I said, “Let’s celebrate pride everyday.” Ah, it’s not necessary to rally we are all always political or ano by simply living M by simply living and existing and making yourself um seen and heard just to feel that you are there that you have such that there is such he’s a big thing, he’s a big thing we need to keep seeing him so let’s show up.
‘ Shall we show up? Um, because that’s it the first thing I did. I need to see because I don’t see anything like me before. Nothing The field represented me gay girl The gay one used to be I see on television need pa-me then they don’t star. Always they are on the side. That’s right. Yes. It seems there is token gay like that. Yes.
Yes. So something needs to be seen. So you too saw you there is someone who can see you and will say that I have something similar. Let’s just live. Let’s just exist. Hmm. What about the role um in society need to perform? Is there? responsibility? The first thing you do is your responsibility to your own No matter what society it is, your first major responsibility in yourself you make sure to be you are well, to be your situation is fine.
Especially to our members of community? double wam if we are already poor and queer. ‘ is it hard for you to be gay? Why do people especially look down? when you are poor, society is cruel to you and we can’t let it, let it, so it’s necessary we have power and that power is needed let’s give ourselves how we are There will be power needed be good where we stand we need to be healthy.
Is our position okay? we need should we have a number? your existence, can you count that? just exist and you take care of yourself save up so we don’t end it those times when we are always miserable It doesn’t hurt but that’s it it’s true if you have cramps appropriate respect will be given to the society so let’s take it back let’s take it back because it’s really ours That’s respect, but give it first we ourselves.
vice beautiful, thank you so much for coming to the podcast appreciate the talk. Thank you very much thank you And that’s it for another episode of Casey After ours. You know the drill. Like and subscribe son dnex
